I remember how pre-ed, bread was my favourite food. The love of my life. I couldn't live without bread. Everyday, two, three servings of bread, wouldn't be a problem. Happily dipping 3 thick slices of white bread into lovely curry, making sure every inch was soaked with the lovely yellow. I would walk past Barcook Bakery, exclaiming: "Ohmygosh my favourite raisin cream cheese buns haven't sold out yet" and happily joining the queue, contentedly biting into a thick, creamy cheesy filling that tangled my taste buds. Or strolling and passing by a bakery selling waffles, and the unmistakable crisp pandan aroma from freshly baked waffles teased my senses, coaxing me into buying them without a second thought. "Peanut Butter waffle please, auntie put more peanut butter ah!" I remember I would say each time, then handing a well-spent $1.50 to her in exchange for a piping hot waffle, browned to perfection on its green base, with peanut butter melting on the inside from the warmth, dripping and steadily, slowly flowing out from the waffle. I would hurriedly savour its deliciousness, gaining comfort from the burst of flavour in my mouth in each bite.
Then stupid ED had to come in. And along with it came the harm.
'carbs. fillings. sugar. white flour. unhealthy. fat. butter. banned.' I didn't dare to even walk near bakeries anymore. Walking past barcook, the only thought in my mind would be "that's gonna make me fat." or having to hold my breath as I passed a shop selling waffles, disallowing myself to even get tempted by its scent. Watching my family snatch that loaf of bread and chattering happily while dipping it into their plates full of curry, my mind would be a warzone, with loud voices telling me "that's white bread. It's full of carbs. It'll turn into fat. You don't want to be a lump of fat, do you? Just eat the vegetables, it's enough." And unfortunately, I listened. I listened to this stupid voice in my head, and let it control me for a good, I don't know, how many months? 5? 6? But it was more than enough. I'm pretty sure it screwed up quite a bit of my life for me. And I am so glad to be nearly rid of all these thoughts and voices now. Its wondrous how easy it is for me to just block out ED's voice now.
'carbs. fillings. sugar. white flour. unhealthy. fat. butter. banned.' I didn't dare to even walk near bakeries anymore. Walking past barcook, the only thought in my mind would be "that's gonna make me fat." or having to hold my breath as I passed a shop selling waffles, disallowing myself to even get tempted by its scent. Watching my family snatch that loaf of bread and chattering happily while dipping it into their plates full of curry, my mind would be a warzone, with loud voices telling me "that's white bread. It's full of carbs. It'll turn into fat. You don't want to be a lump of fat, do you? Just eat the vegetables, it's enough." And unfortunately, I listened. I listened to this stupid voice in my head, and let it control me for a good, I don't know, how many months? 5? 6? But it was more than enough. I'm pretty sure it screwed up quite a bit of my life for me. And I am so glad to be nearly rid of all these thoughts and voices now. Its wondrous how easy it is for me to just block out ED's voice now.
"You're gonna get fat eating that." "Shut up you, I'm tryna gain weight."
"Gasp, that is so unhealthy!" "If this is unhealthy, half the world would have died from heart disease or be obese right now."
Ohoho. I don't know if this is weird, but I really enjoy talking back to this voice in my head. And whenever I talk back to it, it can't come up with a good retaliation. And there's this other voice, a good voice, that is supporting me in my decision. When I say something positive, it seems to embrace me, encourage me. "That's right, you're doing it right. You're doing great. You just taught ana a great big lesson." And that satisfaction, I suppose, is one of the things driving me to keep doing it. It's just become a habit now.
Okay ladeeda I think I'm going super off topic. Anyway, as of July 13th, I am officially 50kg! (Okay I don't know how reliable this is man my house weighing scale I think has gone whack from underuse, but I'm trusting it for now) A mere few kilos from my goal healthy weight, 52.5kg. So near. And surprisingly, I'm not scared. I'm not worried. I'm looking forward to it, which is kinda scaring me haha. I don't know why, I want to be that weight again. I want to be at a healthy weight with my periods, and be able to go to gym and run and swim with my friends. Cycle on the weekends with my family. Bowl again. Oh man, I miss bowling so much. Anyway, so, to finish this journey as fast as I can, I'm currently going on a restaurant/cafe/bakery-hopping thimajig, whatever you call it. Basically, I've come up with a list of bakeries, dessert places, restaurants, etc places with foods that I want to try. Many are recommendations from friends, of course. So I'm trying to visit all these places, and try all these foods! I think it'll be so much easier eating food that I want to gain, and I won't feel that bad eating it. One of my worries now is that I won't be able to snack/eat as much once I reach healthy weight, that I will disallow myself from having so many treats and snacks every week. I'll deal with that problem when it comes, but for now, I'm gripping onto this sudden burst of courage, plus the onslaught of weird cravings that I've been having lately, and using it to my advantage and trying all sorts of foods that I've restricted myself from for the past 9 months.
So, why did I choose bread as my main topic? COS I LOVE BREAD. I blardey love love love bread, more now so than ever before. Restricting myself from it for so long, was I an idiot? I can't stay away, really. Throw away the rice, noodles, pasta, blah. I'll live with bread. I think we'd make a good couple. LOL joking.
Q:What did the loaf of bread say to the police officer? A: Rye so serious? I saw that online. I'm sorry. HAHA.
So breadelicious, see what I did there? Like bread+delicious=breadelicious? Which is supposed to sound like breadilicious. Okay I think all this weight has done something to my brain, I think it needs some tweaking. Sigh. LOL. Well it's because the longest list in my food-hopping list is for bakeries and sandwiches and stuff. So I guess I shouldn't deny my love for it. My gosh. I really love it so much I need some now :/
The first stop on my Breadelicious Series: Baker Talent!
I didn't even know this shop existed till recently. And apparently what were they famed for? GOLDEN SANDS BUN, AKA liu sha bread! LIU. SHA. BREAD. As if a normal liu sha bao wasn't enough. If you don't know what a liu sha bao is, it's a salted egg yolk pau, which is flowy on the inside and has this tantalizing effect on your taste buds as the salty and creamy custard combines together. So yes, a salted egg yolk BREAD? Oh man I thought I was dreaming.
Located conveniently near Nex, I decided to head to that outlet. But of course, being a total direction dummy, I got lost by walking the total opposite way ._. Thank gosh I found the shop in the end, very distinct shop name heh. I was awed by the prices, sizes, range of the breads they had to offer. I honestly didn't know which bread to choose.
I went to google about this shop so detailedly, I knew exactly what the shop looked like =.= |
CHEAP BREAD HUGE BREAD A LOT OF BREAD |
Hohoho. Big plump breads, ready to be gobbled up. |
OMG I LOVE BREAD TOO ED HAS DEPRIVED ME FOR TOO LONG I JUST ATE THE MATCHA CHESTNUT FROM MAMA CRIES CRIES (": thanks for the recommendation <3 see you tmr :D
ReplyDeleteHAHAH must try the other flavors too, you won't regret it! I love Mama's! Love you haha see you!! <3
DeleteI tried the liu sha from baker's talent and I nearly cried it was so sad bc the fillings were so meager sobs
ReplyDelete