But I can't. I'm so scared, really. Terrified. I think I'm turning into a binge-eater.
Taken from Wiki;
Signs of Binge Eating Disorder.
>Eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances
>Feels loss of control over eating during binge. In other words, they feel that they cannot stop eating and they cannot control what they are eating and how much they are eating.
Also, an individual must have 3 or more of the following symptoms:
- >Eats an unusually large amount of food at one time, far more than a regular person would eat.
- >Eats much more quickly during binge episodes than during normal eating episodes.
- Eats until physically uncomfortable and nauseated due to the amount of food consumed.
- Eats when bored or depressed
- Eats large amounts of food even when not really hungry.
- >Often eats alone during periods of normal eating, owing to feelings of embarrassment about food.
- Feels disgusted, depressed, or guilty after binge eating.
- >The binge eating occurs, on average, at least twice a week for 6 months.
- The binge eating is not associated with the recurrent use of inappropriate compensatory behavior and does not occur exclusively during the course Bulimia Nervosa or Anorexia Nervosa.
Those with those little arrows are basically the signs that I feel I'm showing as of now. Right now my usual "binge" foods are just nuts, roasted beans stuff like that. When I eat too much fruits(eg 1 punnet of grapes at a go) I don't take that as a binge cos I love fruits so much. Gosh I'm weird. But I really don't know. Yes they said that "binges" are normal during recovery from anorexia. But I really don't know. I go home at night LOOKING FORWARD to eating these nuts and stuff, despite knowing that I wouldn't be able to stop easily. Aha because I really like them so much. Right now, I'm still able to stop when I'm really full and I don't feel guilty from eating all that. But right now, I'm not sure if my nightly snacking is caused by insufficient eating during the day, or if I'm really just letting myself keep eating. Yes, when I eat those snacks, I am hungry but what worries me is the amount I have to eat to get full. And the fact that even after that, I can't stop. I really don't know what to do. I don't want this to turn into another disorder, I have enough trouble with just freaking one. And I don't want to be gaining weight because of binges. I just want to be normal. Why is that so hard? Am I really asking for too much?
I need help, urgently but where from. Who's there. Who actually knows how to deal with this. Doctors? Ugh the thought of that makes me want to puke. I want to get out of there quickly. 3 main meals and snacks. Need to start being even stricter about that. Do lack of carbohydrates or proteins cause urges to snack .____. I'm disgusted with myself. So disgusted. Pretty sure everyone else would be too. "oh my gosh, look at how much she eats at night." "did she really just finish that whole container of nuts? It's 11pm at night!" f my life honestly. Die me
hey! don't worry bingeing is SO normal in recovery from anorexia. i binged all day all night, and ate an upward of 5000 calories every single day for 3 months before it got better :) it's because our bodies have been starved, so when we finally start feeding it again it's scared that we will starve it again so it wants as much food as possible, as quick as possible. don't stress about it! here's a useful link that explains it. http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/5/22/extreme-hunger-what-is-it.html
ReplyDeletebtw, that website is what helped me recover! when you feel alone, just search the forums and read some posts by other members. there have been people who ate 11000 calories during extreme hunger! :o the owner of the site, gwyneth olwyn, is amazing and all her ed information is based on scientific research! anyway, best of luck to you and keep fighting!!
oh and one more thing! usually when we binge it's best to eat what you crave no matter how "unhealthy" you think it is. no food is bad in recovery! right now your body just need calories. in fact the more processed the food, the more useful it is in recovery because the calories are more easily used by the body for repair. dont worry about not getting any nutrients or not eating whole foods etc etc. listen to what your body wants! during recovery i ate "junk food", ice cream, cookies, cereals almost all the time. when you're recovered and healthier your body will naturally start craving less processed foods :)
Deletesorry i keep on adding! but one last thing, please DON'T try to control or stop the "binge" because it is what your body needs right now! food and calories! you will not develop binge eating disorder as it will eventually stop when our bodies trust us again and we are recovered :) and also, try not to exercise during recovery as it is harmful to recovery and will slow it down (you can read more scientific info about this on the website youreatopia) and suppress the metabolism by not letting the body use the calories for repair. it is also easy to develop anorexia athletica and use exercise as jsut another way to restrict. so it is best to stay as sedentary as possible! best of luck!
DeleteThank you so much for your comment, it really helped ease my fears! The article really helped to clear my doubts as well! It's great to know that I'm not the only one going through this (:
Deleteno problem!^^ i followed you on instagram and you seem like you're doing an amazing job in recovery, i'm sure you'll be healthy again real soon! :)
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