FREED FROM MY CAGE

4PM, Singapore General Hospital, Bowyer's Block. My feet trudge reluctantly in the direction of the clinic, where my supposed doom awaits. After 4 weeks of trying my hardest, what would the scale show today? Would my efforts pay off? Would I finally be freed from my prison? I'm sure most patients would agree with me that we all DREAD weigh-ins. Having to face the doctor, having to face a disappointing number on the scale; having to have a new rule imposed on you. Many of my past appointments with the doctor had ended in tears, frustration, anger, sadness. Would this be a repeat of those times? Tick, tick, tick. I collect my queue number and soon, my number is sounded. My heart pumps ten times faster than before, nervousness fill my heart and fear, terror strike me. My mum ushers me into the room, where the doctor sits, hands clasped together. "Well, let's see your weight." My heart palpitations jump, my mind is in a frenzy. I groan and peel of my shoes. "Please, please, please" I beg, say my final prayers and step on the scale. I see the numbers jumping, changing, dropping, increasing, and finally, it settles on the number it is satisfied with.



MISSION IMPOSSIBLE is what I had first thought, a month ago, when I walked out of the doctor's clinic with my new supposed goal weight in mind. 2kg in 4 weeks. I did it. I have done it. Seeing the number on the scale, I literally squeaked in delight and jumped off the scale and I just had a crazy, foolish grin plastered on my face. My doctor looked shocked, but he congratulated me wholeheartedly(or so my euphoria-filled mind would think) and we both sat down and discussed the conditions of my new-found freedom.

In all my days since recovery started, I never imagined this would be possible. I had never imagined that I would be freed from this trap, to hear the words 'you can get back to physical activity again' said to me ever again. But now, I've just proved myself wrong. I really did it. I'm astounded, awed, stoned, STOKED, freed. Although, every deal has its conditions, of course. My next appointment, which is 5 weeks away, must still see the maintenance of my weight, or an increase. And though I'm currently only allowed to start with light physical activity, I'm more happy with that than anything else. My fingers are already itching to bowl again!

Here's the catch:
I have no intention of stopping my weight gain. By the time my next appointment comes, I'm still gonna keep gaining weight, just without the urgency of the past 4 weeks. 0.5 per week will still be my goal. Reason? I still have to reach my ultimate goal weight, which is about 4kg away. The weight that I still had my period. And hopefully at that weight, I won't look as fat of a whale as I thought I did at the time. Well, as I approach the weight, then I'll see how it goes and how my thinking changes. But for now, I'm just going to continue gaining at a hopefully steady pace (: Since I'll hopefully be starting training soon, I'm thinking of increasing my meal plan abit, just for breakfast though. I've noticed that breakfast are usually my smallest meals of the day while my dinner is the largest. It should be the opposite, so I'm trying to change and transit now. My usual breakfast usually consists of two slices of bread with spread, a cup(or two) of milk, and some fruit. I'm thinking of increasing it to 3 pieces of bread. ED still reluctant about it though, but we'll see how it goes. I don't want to be gaining weight too fast either 3:

So, nothing is impossible. Nothing is too difficult as long as you're willing to try and put the effort into doing it. Nothing is too hard as long as you have the motivation to keep fighting. And that's a really important lesson that I've learnt from the past 4 weeks. And the common saying really speaks truth now: You reap what you sow.

Most thankful to this amazing woman who has given me the most support since Day 1 of recovery, who has been there through my tears, laughter, anger, for enduring my PMS moments, my constant arguments and making life so hard for her in the earlier stages of recovery. My mum. Two very unglam faces, but hey, judge all you want, I'm too happy too care! This was a celebratory photo taken after my appointment (: 

So, 0.5kg once again? Let's Go (: STAY HAPPY, THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.