What size are you?

 

Has anyone seen this photo before? In this picture, all 5 ladies weigh 154 pounds(70kg). But look how they are different in height, in size. It told me one clear message: Accept yourself for who you are. 

SMILE(because you can) :DDDDDDD

"A negative mind will never lead to a positive life."

I always told myself that society was screwed up, that it was too judgmental, that it was unfair. But maybe this entire time, it was really me who was screwed up, the one who was over thinking everything, making every problem seem like it was a drama.

twenty-fourteen

Sorry for not posting for a really really really long time!

 

Time passed so quickly didn't it (: It's 2014 (: A year and two months since that day. 

Irrational thoughts

Still my favourite bread from Olio Bakery. Pistachio is the bomb.

Hi everyone!! Sorry for not posting for so long *.* I was having a blogger's block lol. Not that I really know how to phrase this post out well, but I'm just gonna type out what's in my head for now (: 

Its adorable. Its like. My pistachio bun has a beak and legs and a tail. IT CAN FLY. 

SICK CLOTHES

HI this is a 'I'm-bored-so-I'm-just-gonna-ramble' kinda post... mainly about how I just cleared like half my wardrobe of all my so called 'sick clothes'.

Don Quijote~

HELLOOOOO How has everyone been? ((: Sorry I've been away for so long, I've been busy with O levels, thank gosh their finally coming to an end (: It's been a whirlwind of events and I can't believe it flew past so quickly 0.0 I can't wait to take a good break before the studying resumes again. So tired of studying already >(

The ghost of the past

Hellooooo how has everyone been doing (: Been okay.... rushing with exams which are fast approaching in less than a week's time >( Doing this out of boredom but still....

It's just a number

14th September 2013 shall be a day to remember. The day I officially hit that number. The day I officially achieved my goal which started 10 months ago.

Before&After

So one of my followers on IG wanted to see how I looked like at the start of recovery, and up till now. I suspect it's to have some sort of evidence, some sort of self assurance, that reaching healthy weight doesn't mean that one will become fat.

I've definitely felt that I eat much more than others, so I'm not surprised if people think I'm huge, that I'm too big to be defined as an anorexic. But you know what? I'm glad. I'd honestly, honestly rather be big in size than be known as an anorexic. I'd rather have flesh than be stick thin like a skeleton. I'll admit that I eat a fair lot, I eat a lot of higher calorie foods, but I really don't think about that. Like, what are calories man... People will judge, people will doubt. I'm just going to eat whatever the hell I want and be happy. I've changed a lot since December, both physically and mentally. And truthfully, I'm proud to admit that I prefer myself now over what I used to be/what I used to look like.

Pillars Of Support

Hello, it's been some time. Been pretty busy with my exams, they're such a chore ): and yet, constantly having tests help to distract me; they take me out from all the obsessive food worries, the expectations, the monsters, the fakers, the real world.

insecurities

Officially August. 8 months into 2013. 9 months since I was diagnosed. Honestly, I didn't expect it to take this long, really. When I officially decided to recover, I just thought: Hey, I'm just gonna eat everything I like, I'll eat all the food I love and just gain weight really fast and get diagnosed quick!

If only I knew.

Breadelicious Part 3: Mama's Patisserie

This is place is probably my favourite place ever. Amazing bread, amazing people, amazing ambience. I love buying bread and heading out to the verandah, sitting there for hours munching on my bread and doing homework(anti-climax much) and this place just satisfies any bread cravings I have.

I'm here to boast about bread. AHAHA.

Breadelicious Part 2: Barcook Bakery

Hello. I am back, with more bread. NYAHAHAHA. I'm a happy girl today. Well the day didn't start out that well, but it became really good. Ever heard the saying "When you're upset, food is your best friend"? Totally applicable to me today. Food can be my best friend forever.

Eat-Good-Food-And-Gain Checklist: Ramen Keisuke Tonkotsu King Four Seasons

Woah at that long title. Okay yeah I have no creativity, but that's what I named the checklist that I have with the list of all the restaurants I want to visit. I want more places, but its kinda hard to find anymore. Oh well, shall just complete this list first! 

Anyway, I had ramen for lunch on Saturday! This is the sibling restaurant of my current favorite ramen place, Ramen Keisuke Tori King @ 100AM. This outlet specializes in their pork broth, which is boiled for a gruelling 8 hours and filled with wholesome goodness! Its so near my house, so I've been aching to try it. Finally my mum told me she didn't mind eating ramen, so we rushed here for lunch!

Getting back my social life: Dessert/Cafe-hopping along Upper Thomson

Another thing that ED took away from me was my social life. As ED inched its way into my life, along with it came excuses, lies and stories. When my friends or family asked me to join them for a meal, my mind would rush into panic mode and I would quickly come up with some excuse to avoid a high calorie, fat-filled, unhealthy dinner. Even if I did go out with them, I would purposely choose to eat the healthiest choice possible, sometimes even making up excuses like "I'm too full" or "I already ate" to skip meals. Gosh, that was horrible. I remember. Even though I was hungry, watching my friends munch on their popcorn happily during meals terrified me. And the hearty consolation I received from ED was "Great job for skipping the meal! Now you won't be as fat/unhealthy as them!' And I would grudgingly accept it, deciding it was worth it to be skinny rather than fat. But the consequences of all this lying, cheating? I lost friends. Not all my friends left, but I could tell the difference. When they were going out, they wouldn't ask me along. They would avoid asking me out even if it was just to watch a movie. And meals with my family were always terrible, filled with unhappiness and guilty thoughts. My face would always be painted black, with wild thoughts of calories, fats, carbohydrates, running through my mind. Dinners would be quiet affairs, with my family sharing worried looks at me while I poked at my food, formulating plans of how to possibly skip my next meal or restrict more. 

What an idiot I was.

Breadelicious: Baker Talent

I remember how pre-ed, bread was my favourite food. The love of my life. I couldn't live without bread. Everyday, two, three servings of bread, wouldn't be a problem. Happily dipping 3 thick slices of white bread into lovely curry, making sure every inch was soaked with the lovely yellow. I would walk past Barcook Bakery, exclaiming: "Ohmygosh my favourite raisin cream cheese buns haven't sold out yet" and happily joining the queue, contentedly biting into a thick, creamy cheesy filling that tangled my taste buds. Or strolling and passing by a bakery selling waffles, and the unmistakable crisp pandan aroma from freshly baked waffles teased my senses, coaxing me into buying them without a second thought. "Peanut Butter waffle please, auntie put more peanut butter ah!" I remember I would say each time, then handing a well-spent $1.50 to her in exchange for a piping hot waffle, browned to perfection on its green base, with peanut butter melting on the inside from the warmth, dripping and steadily, slowly flowing out from the waffle. I would hurriedly savour its deliciousness, gaining comfort from the burst of flavour in my mouth in each bite.

Then stupid ED had to come in. And along with it came the harm.

Food Review: Swee Choon Tim Sum

I was having major dim sum cravings. For the longest time really. Then I heard really good reviews about Swee Choon, so FINALLY my family decided to go try it out. And to put the conclusion at the start first, Swee Choon is AMAZEBALLS. Fully satisfied my craving and left me wanting more, although I knew I was full. Really met my expectations and set the standard for any dim sum out there. 

Baking nuts 101

I LOVE nuts. I think I've said this about 2 million times ^~^ but raw nuts aren't that nice, and to buy packaged roasted nuts are just too expensive. So what to do? DIY, of course! And it's so easy! 

This attempt wasn't the best one though, because I was doing work while they baked instead of watching over them :p so if you look at the pictures, you'll realize my cashew nuts are really browned. If you don't want such brown colored nuts, just lightly browned like I do, take the nuts out of the oven after they're done baking. I left them inside so that's why they probably over-baked. But the taste is even stronger and so, so creamy. Omg. Cashews are my favorite. Or baked almonds. Or both. I can't decide )':

Steamed Green Tea Cakes

 I've had a long history of hundreds of failed baking/cooking attempts, mostly due to the ED part of me always trying to healthify everything by cutting out sugar, oil and stuff. But I've learnt that I can't do that. Baking/cooking just doesn't work like that, and that it is perfectly fine to have some oil, sugar, blah blah ingredients in there. Its all about the taste right? XD and furthermore it's divided up into portions! I really need to get over this obsessive OCD thing of mine about measuring when I bake too -.-

4D3N in Shenzhen, China

Honestly speaking, I've never been a fan of China. (Not racism or anything) I just didn't like how crammed everything was, the huge population, the large crowds, the air, etc. But Shenzhen is apparently famous for their crazily cheap shopping, spas and services. And I just needed to get away from Singapore, so why not?

Plus, this was a really good excuse to eat whatever I wanted. On holiday to gain weight, sounds good. This was the second chance to prove that ed wouldn't hold me back from enjoying my holiday. Unlike my first trip in December to Australia, where ed's hold was so strong, I was determined for this to not be a repeat. I made a promise to myself-I would eat anything and everything I wanted. I would try all sorts of new foods and I would not restrict. And yes, that happened. I can't believe the ridiculous amounts of food I ate on this trip and I tried so many new things. It was truly enjoyable. Okay enough chatter, on to the photos :P